It’s been a while, huh?
Here’s a basic breakdown of events:
moved to New York
worked as an editor at Gurl.com
moved back to Atlanta
traveled, lived, wrote a book, hung out with my dog
I’ve gotten a lot of questions from friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers on the internet about why I left my job and what I’m doing with my life. I don’t owe it to anyone to answer said questions, really. But resigning from your job which provides you with a stable income at 25 is not common. It’s frowned upon, actually.
We’re raised to go to college, graduate, get a job, and have a career.
No one tells you how messy that will be. No one tells you about the soul-crushing anxiety you might experience. No one tells you about the imposter syndrome you’ll have. No one tells you how horrible it is to really have adult expenses.
No one tells you that no one has any damn idea what they’re doing.
But, most importantly, no one tells you that it’s okay to take a break and change the course of your life.
I had a wonderful job where I got to write every day for an incredible audience of over 6 million viewers per month. I was part of a closely-knit team, surrounded by strong women whom I admired. I had a tremendous amounts of flexibility and freedom. I was in New York City! I was living the dream. I was happy.
Except that I wasn’t.
New York is one of my favorite places in the world. But it is not one of my favorite places to live. Crippling rent aside, I was drowning in fear, self-doubt, depression, anxiety, and stress. I was exhausted and nearly became an alcoholic to cope. There’s a reason most people look miserable in the city: because they’re miserable.
Yes, I had fun and experienced so much magic and wonder and awe. But I wasn’t happy.
So I left.
I came home to my loving family and set up shop back in my childhood bedroom, which is quite weird when you’ve been on your own for a while. Fortunately, I have great parents who love and support me and who missed me enough to invite me back to the house! I was working remotely. I got a puppy! I didn’t have to get on the subway. I was in a new relationship. I was happy.
Except that I wasn’t.
I was happy-ish. I got out of said relationship, which ended up being a blessing. At that point, I started reevaluating my life again. I thought that coming home would solve my problems, but it didn’t. It certainly helped, but it didn’t magically make anything perfect. I realized I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. I love to write, but I was just going through the motions. I wasn’t putting out my best work or writing things I actually wanted to.
So I left.
Resigning from a job is scary, but I was relieved. For the first time in three years, I was able to just breathe. I took time off to rest, travel, go to yoga, sleep, work on a book, paint, hang out with my dog, and do all of the things I didn’t have time to do before. I recharged my batteries. I’m happy.
Some people looked at me like I was batshit insane when I said I left my job without having another job lined up. But that was the plan. At 25, I was so stressed out that I wasn’t enjoying my life. My plan was to not have a plan. For someone who used to plan out every hour of every day, it feels pretty damn good to go with the flow for once.
I don’t know what I’m doing next, and that’s okay. It’s awesome, even, because I’ve had time to really figure out what I want in my career and my life. What’s the point if you’re just going through the motions of something you think you’re supposed to do?
At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and be able to sleep at night. If you’re not happy with how things are going in your life, you’re the only one who can make changes. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing because we’re all just fumbling around trying to figure shit out.